These Things Take Time

Welcome back people. Apologies it has taken me so long to write anything. I'm almost certain you've been waiting with bated breath for almost three months by now - well, you are now allowed to exhale, and please stop sending the bouquets of flowers.

Unfortunately, life has got in the way of my blog for the period since Christmas, either for continued personal reasons or the fact that I have writer's block. Nothing has happened until now that I believed I could bring a fresh and fair approach to as an aspiring writer. I am hoping that I will overcome this in time, with the help of my family and friends, and will continue to write as I move from my cushy life as a politics student in Leeds in to the big bad world of insecurity - further insecurity I mean.

If you see anything in the news or whatever, feel free to give me a Tweet on @stumckainuk, or give me a Facebook message. Most importantly, look after eachother!

Love Chips x

Merry Christmas One and All...

I remember a time when I was young, bright-eyed and some would say naïve, when the Nokia 3210 was deemed to be technologically innovative, Pokemon cards were the talk of the playground and I still left cookies and water in the kitchen for Santa Claus and his reindeers, on tonight of all nights.

However, I am now 20 years old, and according to some, it is no longer acceptable that I should get as excited as I used to, nor keep the 3210 for when it becomes ‘retro’. Therefore, I would like to talk you, and my 10 year old self, through Christmas Day, knowing what little stuff I know now, as a somewhat cynical ‘adult’.

Dear 10-year old Stu,

I can now muse over Christmas Day; that time you used to adore and look forward to all year round vividly from the present opening to the television to the “oh… so tasty” food (yeah, I’m a fatty at heart – “hello cholesterol!”).

But just remember the true message of Christmas. Although unwrapping a Stretch Armstrong toy at 9 o’clock in the morning is super mega awesome, this time of year is all about spending precious time with your closest family and friends, seeing the delight on their faces as they open something they’ve always wanted, or try to fake an appropriate reaction to receiving yet more brightly coloured socks, but not just any brightly coloured socks, they’re from M&S – who says advertising doesn’t work?

Strikes took their toll on the birth of our Lord
(Source: Jesus Explained)

Furthermore, the inspirational story of Jesus Christ’s ancient parable about the state of the NHS is particularly poignant. Why were there no beds available for Mary and Joseph? Oh yes, it’s because the Conservative Party hate the Baby Jesus, allegedly.  

Moving on swiftly… in a typical day at University, my alarm clock does not start its working hours until gone eight, so imagine my surprise reminiscing on past Christmases, when I would rush downstairs to the tree at 6 am, waking up my parents in the process and pouring out the endless amazing gifts on to the living room floor.

These days though, I need my beauty sleep, and a lot of it, after a heavy night doing little other than watching pointless (but ultimately hilarious) YouTube videos, of skateboarding dogs and babies eating lemons. Rocking up in my Christmas sweater early in the afternoon is going to be swee-eet!

YUM! (Source: Jake Howlett Gallery)

Now, the food. Where do I start with the food? Pigs in blankets were sorely wasted on you, ten year old Stuart. If anybody can come up with a greater thing than a sausage – good start – wrapped in a layer of bacon – OH MY GOD! – then I want to hear it, and so do the folks at Dragon’s Den, I would imagine.

Deborah Meaden rarely splashes out on any invention these days. Thinking about it, you are still in 2001, please invent Dragon’s Den for me, so I can enjoy it’s inherent windfall tomorrow after Christmas has finished.

Television-wise, I am afraid to say that I am mostly looking forward to the Queen’s Speech. How times have changed. Although Doctor Who is amazing, and much better than WWE or Power Rangers could ever amount to, I have not watched this series, nor any of Downton Abbey (high five!) so Lizzie chatting about Wills and Kate will be the most stimulating 10 minutes of television in my house, unless I get Frozen Planet on DVD. God, penguins are amazing!

Anyway, on an end note, Santa Claus is definitely real. Terms and conditions may apply.  

Love Chips x

All I Want For Christmas is... 3 Points

Yeah, that's me 'ridin dirty' on a
tricycle

Please allow me to indulge myself in this blog post, for it is about an undying passion, obsession even. I cannot remember a time in my life - that is, a time post-getting dizzy off of sugar-free lemonade and riding round on a tricycle in my Grandparents’ garden – when i wasn’t concerned about sport, whether that a fixture of football, rugby, basketball, cricket, whatever.

For this reason, the periods of December and January are particularly important, not simply for Christian festivals I keep hearing about everywhere, or the start of a new calendar. They are vital in every league I can think of, unless you’re from the continent, in which case these ‘hard-working footballers’ get a ‘well-earned’ month break. What a joke.

During the Christmas period, my beloved Chelsea will play six games up and down the country, which could determine their league position come the business end, May 2012.

Likewise, Bath Rugby, struggling in the Aviva Premiership have got five matches, three of which we have already lost convincingly, the next coming on the most exciting of all nights Christmas Eve.

What I’m trying to say is maybe, just maybe, this year, the festive season might do me a favour. Instead of bringing me some colourful socks or a £5 WHSmith gift voucher, Santa could bring me 12 points out of 12 for both my teams (or a Black card for Nandos *wink wink nudge nudge*).

However, it’s not just the fixture list. January can bring about millionaires splashing out on new play things, selfishly and undeterred by the gifts they’ve already received for Christmas. Personally, my mum would be telling me to save my money, to not splash it all at once on a Belgian central midfielder from some club in Northern France.

(Source: talkSPORT)

But as a fan, it is extremely exciting to see which players I could be watching in the new year, whether Barcelona could possibly get any better or Arab-billionaire owned Manchester City will finally sign the player of all players, Jerusalem FC’s number ΑΩ, Our Lord Jesus Christ on a cut-price deal.   

One story that has concerned me over the past week is the row encompassing English football. Just in case you didn’t know, both Liverpool’s striker Luis Suarez and Chelsea’s captain John Terry have been charged with alleged racism offences which are so much bigger than football, as a country, this is definitely not acceptable.

For this one issue, club alliances must be neglected until it is stamped out, not superficially and for the cameras, but completely. I make no apology for the more serious tone, this post just took. It is just too important; the British love people, there is no room for hate in the World.  

And finally, a sport which does not get enough coverage in this country: Basketball and the NBA. On Christmas Day, the season will begin after months of negotiations over contractual and financial issues. Personally, I cannot wait to see the Boston Celtics take to the court against the New York Knicks. It is a sport that has crept up on me in the last three years but there is so much to love about it. Athleticism, speed and passion being the major characteristics pour moi.

Love Chips x

Point You to the Mirror.

Drama on Channel 4 has been quite ground-breaking during the 21^st century, bringing such edgy (no, not Hollyoaks) shows as This Is England, Skins and Red Riding to the British public consciousness.  However, Charlie Brooker’s recent writing effort Black Mirror has really caught my imagination, but not necessarily in a positive way.

Charlie Brooker: Genius or psycho?

Although the show does highlight some very important concerns that technology could create in the future, it portrays us as users: sensationalist, solitary and nasty.

For example, in the first episode, we bared witness to a Twitter storm surrounding the capture of a beloved Princess and public pressure was heaped on to the Prime Minister to get intimate with a pig (no, really!).Individuals, became enthralled with the amount of misery one man could suffer, simply because they formed part of a faceless mob. You can probably imagine the confusion that spread through my student house when somebody, outside of the Black Mirror loop, was informed our Prime Minister had done such a thing.

The second one then satirised the talent show format in a George Orwell 1984 sort of way, with the main character Bing, selling his romantic interest in to a life of exploitation through reality show Hot Shot. Over time, former characters were being homogenised, and sucked in to the machine, possibly a little too far but rings true with Britain’s Got Talent and X Factor.

This portrayal is in sharp contrast to the beliefs I hold dear. Technology and the modern age are primed for pure good, if used in the right way.

Take this blog for example. I wished to create a voice for myself, on a medium which is accessible to friends, new friends and strangers; whoever. This website took only twenty minutes in a day to originally set up but since, I have had some of my articles read by 23 people in Russia and 81 from the United States, none of whom I am ever likely to meet. Although I am writing about things which could potentially be distinctive of the UK, it is important to know that there are those out there who do listen to what young people are concerned about.

Times have changed significantly in the social media, even since the year 2000. In this year, the most popular daily newspaper, The Sun, had a circulation of around 3.6 million per day. According to stats published in October 2011, this number has reduced to 2.7 million. Though some of this change may be attributed to the controversy surrounding the News of the World and News International back in the summer, it clearly shows that news travels in lots of different ways today.

Twitter and Facebook can act as a central grapevine from which all young; middle aged; old people can keep up to date with current affairs. With the use of targeting and connectivity on such websites, news organisations have helped to stimulate healthy debate in opposition to the generalisations and meaningless statements that can often clog up news feeds, “Stu is eating an apple” or “the awkward moment when Robert Palmer is taken to rehab for his severe addiction to love”.    

I think it is inspiring that writers, irrespective of their platform, can have such an impact in such a short period of time. I want to invite anyone out there to use the internet as a tool, because it is so valuable!

Love Chips x

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

Source: Daily Mail

Grandma singing along to Cliff Richard’s Mistletoe and Wine. Kids enlightening the rest of us about a certain red-nosed reindeer. Dads belting out Chris Rea’s Driving Home for Christmas (no? Ah, just mine then). This can only mean one thing. It’s that time of the year again when the dusty Christmas CDs are brought down from the tallest shelves.

But has the scene changed? Are we simply harking back to a time before time? When a woman from Newcastle could still dream of going to America and finding a job as a talent show panellist or the Kaiser Chiefs were only predicting riots.

The worst bit of news I heard last week was surrounding exactly this subject. The cast of The Only Way is Essex are recording a Christmas single, one of the nation’s favourites, Last Christmas by Wham! I imagine that George Michael would be spinning in his car. Although it is for a good cause and there are some average vocal performances (no, really), some of the interest is stricken down by its sheer stupidity. The well rehearsed smouldering looks and talking over the track (for example, “I can’t wait to get my Christmas vajazzle” – PLEASE do not google this). If this single gets anywhere near the Top 10, I will physically eat my laptop. I fear the UK will regret unleashing these people on the World, if you give it even two years.

Moving on to the Pogues. Whom, in my opinion, have the best Christmas song by the least Christmassy band in existence. Although it signals the start of the season, I feel that it could be sung just as well by a drunk sitting outside the Off Licence. Furthermore, it has gained quite a reputation over the years as one of those songs, which it is cool to enjoy.

Source: Andres Otero/WENN

Justin Bieber. Alleged Canadian teen sensation. I recognise that as a 20 year old heterosexual male I am not the target audience for such a musical ‘talent’, but I still don't see the appeal of a remarkably stupid, fringey, high-pitched, alleged runaway father. As such, why did he feel the need to release a Christmas album, including such classics as All I Want for Christmas is You and Mistletoe. I do not know of any section of society that were screaming out for a new version of the Mariah Carey tune.

Source: aaanything.net

Finally, enter X Factor. No doubt Simon Cowell will push his lamb to the slaughter out to the public again this year. Amelia Lily, Little Mix and Marcus Collins are apparently through to the final next week, after which, they will regurgitate an average pop song or ruin a remarkable rock ballad (See Biffy Clyro). But what hasn’t been said about this year’s X Factor too much was its attempt to compromise a music charity. Originally, Little Mix were named Rhythmix but had to be renamed after the Syco’s couldn’t get its namesake to change. In order to raise money for the charity as well as backlash against the X Factor abattoir, Facebook groups are asking for people to purchase Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit instead. This is where my support is going for Christmas Number One.

Overall, if you don’t want a drunkard, or a group of reality TV stars, or a choice of two different manufactured pop stars, there’s only really one option. A drug-infused, depressed singer-songwriter from Seattle, Washington (or Michael Buble, you be the judge!)     

Love Chips x  

Scenes of a Charitable Nature

Only three months ago, sporadic violence broke out in towns and cities across the United Kingdom. Frighteningly, the majority of rioters – 51.8% to be precise - were below the age of 20. Although the original riots were caused by the death of Mark Duggan, there were several who tried to justify their actions for alternative reasons, from poor treatment by the police through to high levels of unemployment and government cuts. This may have painted a portrait of Britain in severe depression from the economic crisis but there are two sides to every story; and this is no different.

The British are a pro-active people and no sooner had the riots finished than hundreds of Facebook users and ‘Twitterers’ were on the streets of London and Liverpool, cleaning up the carnage that was left behind. The selfless actions of these 500 or so people, shows on a micro-scale just how much we as a country care about our communities, even in times of individual economic hardship. The last two weekends have given further evidence of this remarkable attitude, with Remembrance Sunday and Children In Need on Friday.

Americans are repeatedly cited for both their patriotism, and unwavering support of their military. I believe, in both respects, that the British people are extremely similar, but the cynical tabloid press can frame the debate to suggest that our society is on a largely negative plane. But this does not explain how or why the whole country, quite rightly, comes together to remember for one day to remember those who have given so much to protect us and our loved ones.

These emotions are evoked in us all on 11^th November, from sportsmen on the field right through to accountants in Croydon. Armistice Day is simply part of the heartbeat of Britain, and instils within us, an enduring reminder that we should have pride in our brave armed forces. I think it is comforting that whatever the future may hold, liberal or conservative, growth or recession, Edward or Jacob, red or black, deal or no deal (I promise I will stop now), charities continue to inspire us all, whatever walk of life.  

Children in Need and Comic Relief are unique projects. The figureheads put in a great deal of organisation at the top table to make sure that all sorts of grass roots projects can inject their passion and ingenuity, coalescing with charities overseas and here at home.  According to BBC Statistics, since the recession hit in 2008, fundraising totals for Children in Need have increased by two million pound in the average year. This is even more remarkable, given that a third of all fundraising comes from the nation’s purses and wallets.

This shows that even when we have felt the pinch in our everyday lives, and even when the charity single has destroyed a classic (if you haven’t heard it, don’t), the British public have continued to generously give, to those whose need is ultimately greater than our own, across the globe.

Overall, I wanted this post to serve as a notice that all in Britain is not as bad as it may seem in the Fleet Street newspapers.  We should take pride that even in times of trouble; our society is an extremely humbling and heartwarming place, if you should dig deep enough.

Love Chips x 

Twilight: Breaking Down...

Allow me, if you will, to transport you through the deep, dark pockets of bygone ages, retreating further into your own memories, all the way back to the year 2008. A year in which Barack Hussein Obama was elected the  44th President of the United States, the global financial crisis took a stranglehold and Team GB won a record 19 gold, 13 silver and 15 bronze medals at the Beijing Olympics. Despite all of this happening, I will never forget this year for another reason. A bane of my life to this day. 2008 saw the initial release of the Twilight Saga films.

In case you don't know or haven't heard the story, and I will make this short, here is an overview of the key plotlines, at least in the author, Stephenie Meyer's mind. Average girl (Bella) meets 108-year-old vampire (Edward), who appears to still be a teenager. Average girl also develops strong friendship with tribal werewolf (Jacob). Bella has stronger feelings for Edward, but strings along Jacob for the ride. Both Edward and Jacob must protect her from the 'bad vampires' (as far as I understand, a 'bad vampire' is to a good vampire, what bad bacteria is to Yakult). And all the while, Bella is just trying to find herself (saving thousands on a gap yah).

However, I would like to confront some major problems with the story in general, as well as the cult status this film has inherited, starting with the main protagonist, though this is a generous use of the term.

I don't claim to be a talented linguist, - Bella literally means beautiful in Italian, not average - nor do I claim to be a feminist, as this would be deeply condescending, but the female lead, commencing in the first half an hour of the films, appears to need a male of differing species from then on in, switching her feelings interchangeably between Edward and Jacob, depending on the weather. For teenage girls watching the film, and idolising Bella, this is an extremely bad message. As we all know, standards set by fictional characters and their on-screen portrayals are out of reach to us mere mortals. Just look at the actor Colin Firth. I imagine even he suffers from the assumptions he is akin to his "delectable" (not my words) on-screen character Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, when he's chowing down on a less than flattering pasta dish or just hanging out watching the television au naturelle.

Moving on to Edward, the actor Robert Pattinson's poster appears on University and college bedroom walls across the planet. Though he may be attractive objectively, I believe that propaganda-wise, the character has played a blinder. As a vampire, Edward's natural instinct is to hunt for, and enjoy the sensations that blood provides; yet it is assumed by all those idealists out there that Eddie is in fact in love with Bella, making him seem romantic and to some extent, chivalrous. I can't help but think this more realistic angle would be all over the press, if Nosferatu (right) was the vampire in question.

Finally, none of the characters on screen (I can only assume in the books too) have any depth. From the first three films, there has been no development of them as people, just a badly researched back story which sort of links them together...sort of. All I know of Bella, Edward and Jacob, is that they are trapped in a complex love triangle; one is a vampire, one is a werewolf and the other can't smile, and the sooner the films have stopped being churned out, the sooner we can all go back to our daily lives, where smouldering teenage lads looking at you and sparkling in the sunshine, is just plain creepy.

I say bring on 2012, and the release date of Underworld: Awakening, so we can finally see some real frickin' vampires.

Love Chips x