In case you don't know or haven't heard the story, and I will make this short, here is an overview of the key plotlines, at least in the author, Stephenie Meyer's mind. Average girl (Bella) meets 108-year-old vampire (Edward), who appears to still be a teenager. Average girl also develops strong friendship with tribal werewolf (Jacob). Bella has stronger feelings for Edward, but strings along Jacob for the ride. Both Edward and Jacob must protect her from the 'bad vampires' (as far as I understand, a 'bad vampire' is to a good vampire, what bad bacteria is to Yakult). And all the while, Bella is just trying to find herself (saving thousands on a gap yah).
However, I would like to confront some major problems with the story in general, as well as the cult status this film has inherited, starting with the main protagonist, though this is a generous use of the term.
I don't claim to be a talented linguist, - Bella literally means beautiful in Italian, not average - nor do I claim to be a feminist, as this would be deeply condescending, but the female lead, commencing in the first half an hour of the films, appears to need a male of differing species from then on in, switching her feelings interchangeably between Edward and Jacob, depending on the weather. For teenage girls watching the film, and idolising Bella, this is an extremely bad message. As we all know, standards set by fictional characters and their on-screen portrayals are out of reach to us mere mortals. Just look at the actor Colin Firth. I imagine even he suffers from the assumptions he is akin to his "delectable" (not my words) on-screen character Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, when he's chowing down on a less than flattering pasta dish or just hanging out watching the television au naturelle.
Moving on to Edward, the actor Robert Pattinson's poster appears on University and college bedroom walls across the planet. Though he may be attractive objectively, I believe that propaganda-wise, the character has played a blinder. As a vampire, Edward's natural instinct is to hunt for, and enjoy the sensations that blood provides; yet it is assumed by all those idealists out there that Eddie is in fact in love with Bella, making him seem romantic and to some extent, chivalrous. I can't help but think this more realistic angle would be all over the press, if Nosferatu (right) was the vampire in question.Finally, none of the characters on screen (I can only assume in the books too) have any depth. From the first three films, there has been no development of them as people, just a badly researched back story which sort of links them together...sort of. All I know of Bella, Edward and Jacob, is that they are trapped in a complex love triangle; one is a vampire, one is a werewolf and the other can't smile, and the sooner the films have stopped being churned out, the sooner we can all go back to our daily lives, where smouldering teenage lads looking at you and sparkling in the sunshine, is just plain creepy.
I say bring on 2012, and the release date of Underworld: Awakening, so we can finally see some real frickin' vampires.
Love Chips x